Why you should make those big life-changing scary decisions
When is the last time you did something scary? The last time you were so apprehensive and unsure of doing a thing, but you did it anyway? And you surprised yourself and came out even stronger after?
Science says doing things that scare us helps us to become stronger, braver and more reactive people in general. Instead of walking away when we're confronted with an uncomfortable situation, we can be brave, work through the fear and come out learning some super valuable life lessons.
I wanted to share a few of mine, cause I get quite a few messages from people who are afraid of making scary decisions in their lives. There are not that many for me cause I’m not a daredevil BUT I have made some HUGE life decisions that were pretty frickin scary that turned out to be the best decisions I’ve ever made.
My first solo trip with the girls to Mexico in January 2017
The 4 of us shared a tiny one bed studio hotel without a kitchen and ate way too much cereal.
First. At 25 I decided to end my marriage and break up our “happy” family. It wasn’t a healthy marriage and I was really unhappy. With three little kids, no job, and lots of debt, this was the scariest decision I have ever made. I was still in school, and living in campus housing and didn’t have a real solid future plan, but I did know that my marriage was holding me back and hindering my happiness. So we ended things and the events could be a whole other blog post, but for now, I can tell you that the breakup was not easy, and I doubted myself many times. I knew deep down that I was making the right decision, but it still came with a lot of questions and hardships. The next year I spent finding out who I was outside of marriage and became a better, happier, and healthier version of myself. I felt free. Hands down this was the best decision I ever made.
Our little trip to Kelowna that turned into a move in July 2017
All the icecream may have helped sway the girls excitement to move :)
Second. At 26, a year after my breakup, my three little ladies and I went on a vacation to visit my sister. After a week or two, I decided we were going to move there. It felt like it could be a good place to make a fresh start, which is exactly what I needed. Two weeks later I was back home, packing up and selling our belongings, and renting a truck to move to our new city. Within those two weeks, I was able to get a new job, find us a house, and get the girls into a really good school. I could tell that this decision was the right one because things were just working out for us and falling into my lap. It was scary AF, but it felt so good. Leaving a city where I had been in a bad marriage, and just felt blah about was seriously so much weight lifted off my shoulders. We were able to restart and create a new life for ourselves.
Our first family trip to California in 2019
Twinning with Mickey
Third. Dating. Putting myself out there again was really scary! I am shy and had been in long-term relationships since I was 14. My whole-life dating experience was limited, and jumping in the dating pool as a divorced 25-year-old single mom with three kids was not easy. Most people in my situation were much older, so I didn’t fit into the 25-year-old norms. But I did it anyway. I tried to make it fun, dressing up, meeting new people, but in reality, I hated the whole process. I love the security and sense of belonging that comes with being in a relationship and the fact that you don’t have to question every step. I also don’t love wasting my time with people, especially when I was often paying a babysitter and just losing sweet precious time with my kids. But it all worked out in the end and I ended up meeting someone who now loves my kids as his own and treats us like gold.
My graduation June 2017
I was so stoked to be done school and get out into the workforce!
Fourth. This one was really hard on my ego: leaving a job that I didn’t love, after spending five years in school to get that job. Do you remember being 19? A year where you felt pressured to choose a career path to follow at school? I chose to become a teacher at 19 because I had a baby and realized I could spend summers and spring break with my kids. I didn’t choose this career cause I was well suited to the job, or because I loved kids. I do love kids (especially mine) but teaching other people’s teenagers just wasn’t making me happy. So after 4 years of teaching, I decided to quit and pursue a new career that I felt would be more suitable to my actual strengths and interests. Quitting a job after devoting so much time and money felt like one of the stupidest decisions that I would be judged for, but it felt really really good. My heart was not in it and I was not going to let myself waste my precious days doing something that didn’t fill my cup. So, I’m here today in the middle of my new schooling, still unsure where it will lead me, but happier than ever.
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And that’s all so far. Just a few scary decisions that have changed my life entirely. I never imagined being where I am today, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Life is amazing, and I’m proud of myself for making all the tough decisions to be where we are today. Out of all of these things that happened to me the most important aspect is who I’ve become along the way. After all of the hardships, struggles, tears, etc. I am stronger than ever before and my girls are happy and striving.
What about you? Imagine waking up in 5 years. Where do you want to be? More importantly, WHO do you want to be? Do you know what’s scarier than doing something you're unsure of? Living a life not entirely happy knowing you deserve better. It’s crazy how many messages I get from women who are scared to make decisions like these cause they’re lacking money, or worried about their kids’ happiness after divorce, etc. BUT I can tell you that putting your happiness first is the most important thing. Put yourself first, and take the scary step towards your dream life. If you need someone to talk to about ANY scary decision you are thinking about making, please reach out! I’d love to connect.
